last week i wrote on the lid of matthew’s smoothie in thick permanent black ink:  love potion number 9.  and then to be playful i added the number 6 in front of the 9.  it’s amazing to me that i had no idea that love potion number 9 is a song.  a song released released in 1959 by the clovers; and covered many times over.  you can listen to it while you read.  perhaps the reference dates prior to this song.  i don’t know.  but somehow the phrase love potion number 9 is embedded in me.  something i know and don’t know all at the same time.

i wrote on his lid as a reminder.  usually i have hearts on the jars in my fridge to remind people (my juice and smoothie drinkers) that what is inside is really love; and to let them know which is theirs to take.  even with the heart shaped reminder i think they might forget that love is what is really there.

sometimes i am desperate for a magic wand or love potion.  today is one of those days. and this time it is not for romance.  often it isn’t.  i watched the news at taylor’s (my personal trainer) today.  the volume was off on the television, but the images and text remained.  so i read while i cycled.  and it was painful.  murder and death and abuse.  and i watched myself want to shut it out.  not look.  not see.  not know.  and then i wondered what i could do.  and i wanted some peace dust to sprinkle, some love potion to distribute.  some rapid healing.

sometimes it doesn’t seem enough to work on my own heart.  sometimes i just don’t know what to do.  maybe it isn’t for me to save anyone.  maybe it isn’t helpful to yield a wand.  or perhaps that is the trouble with news like that.  i am left feeling powerless and depressed.  maybe it is ok not to know the answers.  maybe it is ok to feel the pain.  to open to our humanity in all it’s intensity.  all the shades of nasty.

i often tell my mom that i wish i had a magic wand to wave her headaches away.  it is my way of saying i love her.  and i wish i did have such powers.  i don’t like knowing that she is in such frequent pain.  any pain really.  so i imagine a magic wand could solve the problem.  one wave.  and poof.  all gone hurt.  all better now.  i emailed my mom just the other day and repeated my magic wand wish.  and she wrote back.  “YOU are my magic wand.”  i cried.

i don’t like thinking about anyone suffering.  even those causing big pain to others.  i see how tormented they must be.  how cold inside.  how angry.  i see how much they are hurting themselves.  and i cry.

this is what i wish to be:  a love potion.  a spark.  some divine dust sprinkles.  an inspiration.  so that others are inspired to pick up their own wand.  stir their own pot.  begin to set themselves free.  so that we can free ourselves from our own nasties.  and move in this world with more lovely.  more integrity.  more strength to move from heart.  and feed each other well.  so that we are well fed on all levels.

well nourished so that we do not lash out and hurt others in our confusion and our pain or our ignorance.  well nourished.  full and overflowing.  knowing our worth.  knowing the worth of others.  simple and not so easy.

through it all i continue to create love potions.  love drinks masquerading as health tonics.  hand made alchemical magic.  otherwise known as:

love potion number 69  (this makes enough to share…which is always a blessing!)

1 heart full of sweet intention.                                                                                                            many prayers.                                                                                                                                     lots and lots o love.

1 cup hemp hearts                                                                                                                               2 tablespoons of chia seeds                                                                                                              spring or filtered water to almost fill blender (vitamix works really well!)

3 tablespoons of raw cacao powder or paste or nibs                                                                    2  tablespoons of maca                                                                                                                        1 tablespoon of mesquite powder                                                                                                     1 tablespoon of banana powder                                                                                                       1/2 teaspoon of shilajit                                                                                                                   1/2 teaspoon of mucuna                                                                                                                    1 tablespoon of cinnamon                                                                                                            freshly grated nutmeg                                                                                                                 pinch of kelp powder                                                                                                                      raw honey (as much or as little as you like)                                                                                      1 cup of frozen berries ( if you like).                                                                                           blend and enjoy (and SHARE!).                                                                                                    and add a spoonful of fresh frozen bee pollen for extra kick.

i like this version too!!!!